My husband is regularly wise, but rarely when I go looking for it.
Interestingly this doesn’t stop me, partly because I think too much and partly because it is the job of each spouse to drive the other to the cusp of madness now and again. I assume that we do this by accident, but can’t be sure.
Anyway, my relentless pursuits of these pearls of wisdom usually coincide with me being either exhausted or awash with hormones. In short, the times when logic and light heartedness are not my best traits. In these moments the greater the absence of profound statements of truth the more desperately I grab at them. Which of course alarms the poor man and he gets the look of a cornered animal then usually winds up making a fart joke.
Last night’s episode began with me half asleep with writers block and went a little like this…
“I’m feeling melancholy.” I sighed into his chest.
“What’s that??” he asked.
“You’re kidding?” I said (then mumbled something about him needing to read more books).
“So tell me what it means?”
“Thoughtful and sad.”
“So just say that then. Oh! Or ‘sadful!'”
Now at this point a smarter woman than I would have either laughed or walked away… but no, I was too busy being sadful. So I painted my melancholy on all the conversations that followed, waiting for a pearl of wisdom and missing all the light heartedness I could have enjoyed had I not been looking for something else.
It was right before I went to bed, after we had effectively driven each other a little batty and wound up arguing over ideal cup quantities in the modern kitchen that he said just what I needed to hear. I got my wise pearl – even if I was the grain of sand to irritate the crap out of him to get it.
Last night he reminded me not to force things. Not writing and not the search for wisdom either. If it’s not working, whatever it is, let go, take a step back and just be happy.
We convince ourselves that we know how things should go – be they situations in our lives, creative endeavours, friendships, romance or our future. Even conversations with people we care about. But the thing is, life is meant to flow – things are meant to feel good for us and to go well in journey as well as destination. If it’s not working then let it go and see if the flow takes it in a different direction.
You can still hold on to what you want, just maybe don’t try to hold so tight.
Because it’s the times when you stop pushing and start allowing that the good stuff really starts happening…and even when it doesn’t, you’re too busy being happy to care.
Copyright Nirvana Dawson 2012