Our social culture has a sexual undertone. From billboards to magazines to movie screens, it’s in our faces. It is the topic of gossip, debate, articles, books, and of course one of the internet’s most frequent search topics; porn.
How much are we having? How good is it? How often is everyone else having it? What should we be doing? How should we make ourselves sexy?
For a lot of people at some point or another, sex becomes a ‘should’, rather than a want.
We live in what kind of resembles a porn culture. We go hard, we push ourselves, we try to outdo others, we try to act like we’re enjoying it more than we are and we focus on getting to the goal. Not just in the bedroom, but out of it. How many people just go, they spend their days trying to get through it, get it done, they plaster a fake smile when they need to and try to act like they’re present when they’re still graced by daydreams, then push themselves to get there, whether there is a paycheck, a kids bedtime, or finally getting to sit on the couch and turn on the TV.
We take sex in the same light. It becomes, consciously or unconsciously, added to the to do list, either because media tells us it should be, or because we jump on any stirrings we have to get a little more out of that day we pushed ourselves through. We put what little of us we have left into it and… it’s not great is it?
Is it any wonder libido’s are low and women often feel that they’re losing that sexual side of themselves?
Life is busy. Really busy. We have full days and full lives and the pursuit of goals are a valid part of that.
But we have to get rid of the porn culture in our lives. We have to rediscover seduction.
What if we felt more? Lets forget anyone else and focus on seduction of self. Lets get sensual again.
How many sensations do you miss, because you convince yourself you’re too busy to feel them? What you’re wearing right now – how does it feel? Is your shirt soft, is it silky? How does it fall against you? Does your hair brush against your neck, your face? Stroke circles on the back of one hand with a finger of the other – lightly. Feel your touch. Be aware of the rivulets of water running down your body in the shower. Try to sense the warmth of the steam and actually be aware of how it licks your skin. This isn’t sexual – it’s sensual.
And sight – how often do we see without looking? We’re so busy doing, and tidying and going that we miss the richness of the colours, we forget to appreciate the patterns of the fabrics we wear, the grain of the wood, the individuality of the leaves or the way branches dance in the wind. Maybe your day is spent in an office and you’re so tired of seeing the same things that they fade into the background. Really see them today. See yourself when you look in the mirror and appreciate something beautiful about yourself. Find something beautiful in someone around you, something you might have missed before.
What about your sense of smell? Close your eyes right now and breathe with awareness. What do you smell? Fresh air? Is it cool or warm? Is there a hint of your partners cologne? Maybe your own shampoo? How does your lunch smell? That apple?
What about sound? Young children are taught to close their eyes and listen to the noises around them, to see how many they hear and find where they are. We’re not too busy for that, not too grown up. Right now if I close my eyes I hear the wind in the trees to my left. I hear a dog snuffling. I hear the TV singing cheerily in the background. I hear the sharp clicks of the keyboard beneath my fingers.
Then taste – how many of us forget to really taste each mouthful? I’m guilty of buying small dark chocolates and eating far more than I have to because I forget to actually savor any of them. I need to remind myself to stop, to place a single one on my tongue and to take a breath. To slowly let it rest there and taste the richness, the sweetness, the texture that its shape gives it as it dissolves in my mouth.
That’s our seduction, and it has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with being present. It’s about stirring anticipation – because when we come back into our senses they become heightened – they hum because they know something very soon is going to be amazing. Something is going to really fill us with its beauty at any moment.
We need to reclaim our physicality. Especially when we are tired because we spend all day chasing the kids, or because work is all consuming. We need to stay sensual at those times because we will find a richness in them that we deprive ourselves of otherwise. Us. Not our partners or society, this is about being rightfully selfish because we deserve every bit of joy a day offers us.
We need to seduce ourselves into feeling better in our skin. Get rid of the ‘shoulds’, they have no place here, just be – and feel good.
Copyright Nirvana Dawson 2012